Thursday, August 23, 2007

I'm stuck

I work. I have a family. I meet new friends. I party like there's no
tomorrow. And yet, I can't find myself.

It's this circle crap that gets me pissed off. While most of us are
busy with getting cars, new apartments, and or slash new job titles
to put in their resumes, I found myself stuck at a point where I
could no longer tell myself, I am growing.

Should it always be in circles where no other routes are possible
and you only create this illusion of maturity and personal
development?

Stuck in an 8-5 day job where your work depends on what the others
dictate. Not that I'm complaining, it's easier this way, but where
do I go from here? Heck, I don't even have this clear job
description. I can't go out. And even if I should, where?

Stuck in an office where co-workers gossip who's who and who's not.
And if you're lucky enough, you'd end up in their 'Is he?' list
where most of us could barely respond even a single sentence in
defense of what they think of people like us. Nevermind if some of
them are from the same planes as we are.

Stuck in a house that shouts 'get a life!' They don't even have to
tell me. Yes, they know what I am, words are never used around the
house. Their the best I could have. I'm prepared to die for them.
but reality is, I'm too old to grab their hands when we're in the
mall. I'm stuck.

Stuck in a seven-month 'single-ity' where some would even die on
shorter periods. I choose but I ain't choosy. There's a difference
and yet some tell me I climb too high when I could only reach five
meters. They shout 'dream on' while mocking me with their
gold-plated fingers and shining faces. Don't I deserve my own
happiness?

Just when I thought I found someone, they end up telling me how bad
I am. How ugly and poor I am. How no one would have me. It's
disappointing when you encounter these people. You tell yourself,
move on and show them you stood up while inside your shell crushes
like you can never fix them. Maybe this is why I look withdrawn and unapproachable.
I guard myself too much to avoid getting hurt.

Am I just making excuses in defense of how envious I am with others?
Yeah, I guess I am when I know I shouldn't be. I have good friends.
I'd take a bullet for them.

Weird, I was supposed to make this one funny. It ended up consuming
me.

I'm not even sure if this crap makes sense. Save me. Anyone?

-a repost from my other blog account

2 comments:

ian said...

i never thought i'd say this one day. pero 'lam mo parehu tayo. haha.
and yeah, that made sense. got me thinking again, now i'm drowning nanaman... kainis ka! -joke lang

ems said...

hirap ng ganto... but as long as we're alive... there's hope for change for the better.. sana

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